I am so chaaaahming

02Feb07

Today I got my first official degree from MIT. W00T!

But it won’t get me into grad school.

Okay, context: At the end of every IAP, MIT sponsors an event called Charm School. It’s intended to, well, instruct nerds in social graces – an idea I’ve always found both hilarious and unbelievably appropriate. Charm School runs for four or so hours, during which scholars can attend an enticing array of 15 to 20-minute classes on everything from table manners to networking skills. Each class you take gives you “credits”, which you redeem for a “degree”. Let me tell you, world, this diploma is so much more kickass than the flimsy photocopied certificates we used to get in high school. It’s printed on real fake-parchment, AND it has an official MIT seal, AND it’s signed by a real dean, AND FINALLY it has a shiny gold sticker. And they put my middle initial in my name, which is how you know things are official.

I dropped in about halfway through the afternoon, so I couldn’t get to everything; I ended up with four classes. Salient & useful details follow.

First up: “Dress for Success“.
Points to remember:

• First impressions count.
• There is an essential dichotomy between clothes you wear in public and clothes you wear while painting your room. Or, you know, climbing elevator shafts. Or whatever.
• Black, white, grey, and navy blue are flattering on pretty much anyone.
• Pleated pants are THE DEVIL
• If your pants are too long, hem them. Or have someone else do it.
• Magazines like Vogue do not exactly represent college-student styles.

Bottom line: Take showers. Look decent.
A question for you people: Can well-dressed-ness be detrimental in a subculture composed of males wearing scuffy jeans?

Faintly Scandalous: “Dating Etiquette I: Meeting People“
Points to Remember:

• Extracurricular whatnot groups are good for meeting people
• If you claim not to have time for activities, maybe you don’t have time for dating either.
• MIT has an official sex-ed person. Which would be a funny position to have (‘Nice to meet you, erm, I’m the Class of ‘17 Well-Endowed Professor of Sex-at-MIT’). Students can check out books on flirting, sex, &c. from these people. And Medical has free condoms in exciting colors, including glow-in-the-dark. Which I think might be a little disturbing.
• One should not suddenly accost in the hallway the person one has been staring at during lecture all term – or lab, in my case – with a proposal of marriage. It is best to work such things into a conversation. And make sure the other party knows one’s name.
• General group consensus: Girls can ask guys out. My answer: hells yes. Boys are too damn slow.
• General group disagreement: Whether it’s okay to ask someone out over email/IM/SMS. My answer: Probably. I have.

Bottom Line: There exist lots of people both at MIT and (gasp!) outside of it who are potentially both interesting and hot. [But the interesting ones are taken and the hot ones are attracted to the gender you aren't.]

Vital Life Skill: “How to Tie a Bow Tie“
Points to Remember:

• The clippy kind is CHEATING, you poor excuse for a fraud.
• I can’t explain this without pictures.
• The hole at the back through which you poke the second wing does NOT touch your skin.

Bottom line: I wish I had more opportunities to wear ties. Such pretty colors…

Vital Spy Training: “Non-Verbal Communication“
Points to Remember:

• Most trouble reading body language – dyssemia – is a result of poor training, and can be remedied.
• Awareness is key. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!
• Guys tend to sprawl in their space. The llladies tend to choose more compact positions and present themselves (e.g. for a handshake) sideways.
• If somebody’s body language is puzzling you, ask them.
• During a positive social interaction, people exhibit synchronicity in behaviors (switching positions), attitudes (smiley or not), language (tone, speed, confluence of accents) and possibly breathing.

Bottom Line: I have a good handshake. The world is mine.

I wanted to have a ballroom dancing lesson, but time ran out. I ended up with 8 credits, though, enough for a degree (12 gets you a Charm doctorate) and my shiny new diploma.

So I now have a Master’s in Charm. Henceforth I will sign my name “Amali, M.Ch”. And I will shake your hand firmly and possibly ask you out.

Filed under: IAP, hilarity, life   |  Leave a Comment